The Miserableist

LoveFilm; It’s not all doom and gloom.

Credit where credit is due. Never used them until I bought a Groupon recently for 3 months for £10. Wasn’t too sure how to redeem my voucher and logged on their website.

Signed up using the wrong address and spoke to someone on Livechat. Unlike O2, they didn’t seem to have 50 chat’s going at once. They listened, understood and resolved my issue in minutes.

When I realised my account said I only had 30 days instead of 90 days free, I sent them an email. I had a reply within 2 hours and problem sorted.

Major kudos to LoveFilm.

KFC - staff don’t LISTEN.

It’s universal. I’ve tried it at most places, but KFC are serial repeat offenders for not listening. They’re script is robotic, and their minds must be that numb (or they’re just that thick) that they don’t even realise they’re doing it.

Can i take your order, side order and gravy? would you like that large? extra cheese and hashbrown for 30p? Standard questions when ordering. Try asking for it all at once to save them the hassle and there’s chaos.

So I go for my Sunday KFC. Can i take your order?

Me: “yeah can i get a large plain fully loaded meal with gravy and pepsi please”

Voice: “that’s plain yeah?”

Me: “yeah”

Voice: “what side order?”

Me: “gravy……”

Voice: “drink?”

Me: “pepsi……..”

Voice: “would you like to go large for an extra xx.xx?”

Me: “yes”

Voice: ” and 2 popcorn chicken meals as well yeah?”

Me: “errr no, not at all”

Voice: “oh sorry, drive round to your first window”

(drives around - ‘voice’ is now a ‘girl’)

girl: “£16.99 please”

me: “for a large fully loaded meal?”

girl: “and 2 popcorn chicken”

Me: “I dont want them, i didnt ask for them!”

Drove home, and the burger wasn’t plain. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ironically uncomfy ‘cumfybus’.

The bus; since selling my car I’m reduced to getting the bus to work. I say reduced as getting picked up by the biggest yellow bus in town in your whistle and flute is by no means the most soul satisying way of travel, but needs are must. Urgh.

Cue the ‘Cumfybus’, ironically not ‘cumfy’ in the slightest but then it serves it’s purpose, well, most of the time.

I’ve had issues with them in the past, when my 7:59am bus didn’t arrive until 9:11am and left me facing disciplinary in work and them never bothering to resolve my issue. Not that I expected more than a free bus ride or apology mind.

On two occasions now I’ve boarded with my money, a £20 note to be precise, to the bus drive tutting and shaking his head at me like i’ve just curled a shit out on the dusty floor. “How am i supposed to change that?”. Well mate there’s quite a few combinations to be fair but then I’m not in maths class so you do the sums. Clearly that’s not what he means but, you know, don’t ask me; Get more change. It’s legal tender and all the bank would dispense you goonie.

Needless to say he never got a thanks or a hug when I alighted.

O2 and the 35 minute queue.

From the below hour-and-a-half live chat i got nowhere. Now Ann (mother) doesn’t care much for me using the housephone. That’s what my mobile is for. Yes, when it’s not blocked. So I had to phone O2. 35 minutes I waited to be put through to someone. ‘you’re paying this bill lad, they’re a disgrace get onto Watchdog, are you STILL waiting, tell them they’re paying this bill’. Usual Ann. When I did; here’s how the conversation went:

Me: I’m having a nightmare, I called up on Saturday to do a bank transfer to pay my outstanding balance of £100.50. The woman said it would take a few working days and would lift the bar off my phone, which she did, but its gone back on today.

Advisor: Let me check the notes. I can see you called up on Saturday, I’ve removed the bar for you if you turn your phone of and off it should be working again but could take upto 24 hours.

2 hours of utter chaos resolved in a 2 minute conversation. Appalled.

Oh no O2.

A live chat today with O2 lasting shy of 90 minutes. That’s one and a half hours. Why live chat? Simple & cost effective? Not on your nelly. In a nutshell, i missed a payment of £100 and called up to solve the problem. I’d lost my bank card, reported it lost so had to pay by bank transfer which takes several working days. The woman i spoke to told me that was fine no problem, the bar was lifted and she would look forward to my payment. Until I got blocked again (apologies for spelling errors!)

Welcome to O2. Someone will be with you soon.

We’re really busy right now. Thanks for waiting.

We’re really busy right now. Thanks for waiting.

You’re through to Sheena.

andrew: My phone has been stopped from making outbound calls and i need the bar lifting for that please.

Sheena: Can I have the full name and mobile number as it appears on the account?

andrew: **************

Sheena: Please can you tell me the 2nd and 5th character of the answer to your security question?

andrew: *****

Sheena: Thanks for the information. Please give me a few minutes while I check this for you.

andrew: thanks

Sheena: I have checked that your service was restricted due to non payment.

andrew: i phoned up about this on thursday and got it lifted because i paid £100.50 in the bank

andrew: that was Thursday

andrew: the woman said she would life it for me which she did

andrew: and my payment would take upto 4 days to clear

Sheena: I have checked that your payment was failed because the bank forwarded back the payment.

andrew: on 1st june ?

andrew: as i have just told you

andrew: i made a payment over the bank on the weekend

andrew: i phoned up and spoke to someone who lifted the bar. this was 3 days ago

andrew: and now you simply have to wait for the payment to clear.

Sheena: Yes, I can see that you made the payment but the payment was failed.

Sheena: Since your bank forwarded back the payment so you will need to contact your bank to know the details.

andrew: whats o2s sortcode and account number?

andrew: so i can pay it into the bank

andrew: what date did the payment fail ?

Sheena: 18th May.

andrew: i have just told you twice

andrew: that i made a payment in the bank on THURSDAY

andrew: THURSDAY 31st MAY

andrew: into o2s bank

andrew: so i have made the payment now YOU have to wait for it to clear

Sheena: Let me check this.

andrew: i spoke to a woman about this who said that was fine and lifted the bar for me

andrew: and told me it was fine and o2 should have the money by Friday of this week,

Sheena: I have further checked that you have not made any payment on 31st May.

andrew: how can you not understand what i am telling you? this is basic stuff. i dont work for o2 and understand how it works better than you.

andrew: I paid 100.50 into your account AS ADVISED by a woman on the telephone. she gave me your sortcode and account number to pay the money into. your account is HSBC i am barclays. i put my telephone number as the reference number.

andrew: this was paid and will clear into your account within 3 working days.

andrew: because of this, my bar was lifted.

Sheena: Please bear with me.

Sheena: It is taking a bit time due to system issue.

andrew: no problem.

Sheena: Thanks.

Sheena: Thanks for waiting.

Sheena: Please check your bank statement as no payment has been received by us.

andrew: sheena, i have now told you 5 times. IT TAKES 3-4 working days for this money to clear into your bank.

Sheena: I am sorry Andrew.

Sheena: My mistake.

Sheena: Once the payment appears on the account, you can contact us again and we will remove the bars.

andrew: ive already had the bar removed. on saturday.

andrew: the woman told me that because i had paid over the bank this was fine.

andrew: i told her you would have the money by friday of this week.

andrew: if you check the notes from saturday you will see this

andrew: this is taking up too much of my time. all you need to do is remove the bar and the money will clear on Friday.

Sheena: I have checked the details and did not find any notes regarding this.

Sheena: Once the payment appears on the account, the bars will get removed.

andrew: i need a manager

andrew: you are incompetent

andrew: please can someone call me

Sheena: Could you please fax us the bank statement that shows the payment?

andrew: i dont have a bank statement as i paid it over the bank

andrew: i need my phone today

andrew: you are not helping matters here

andrew: please phone me

Sheena: I want to help you but we also tied by our rules and regulation.

andrew: i understand

Sheena: Without any evidence I can not proceed to make any changes on the account.

andrew: i dont need changes

andrew: i need my account simply unblocked

Sheena: I’ll appreciate if you understand this.

andrew: i cant speed this payment up

Sheena: This unblock comes in the change of account.

andrew: it was been paid and we have to wait for it to clear

andrew: thats not true. this phone has been blocked 3 times in the last 12 days and evreytime i have called up and had it unblocked

andrew: with no problem at all.

Sheena: Without any clear payment we can not unblock it.

Sheena: After the payment shows on the account, it will be unblocked.

andrew: bear with me 5 minutes

Sheena: Sure.

andrew: what time did we start speaking?

Sheena: Please let me know if you have any other concern.

andrew: i want to know how long i have been talking to you on live chat for

Sheena: 51 minutes.

andrew: can you tell me the last note on my account?

Sheena: It is:

Sheena: lost bank card wanted our bank details for bank transfer also removed bars

andrew: so the bar was removed before a payment was received

andrew: i have now paid and it will take 3 working days

andrew: why cant you remove bars?

Sheena: For this the payment has to be clearly shown on the account.

andrew: it wasnt the last 3 times if u read the notes

andrew: so why are you different

Sheena: On the notes it is written that we need bank details.

andrew: but she removed the bar? so what do u mean

Sheena: I have already told you in the beginning that if you can you need to fax us the bank statement to get the bars removed.

Sheena: The bars has not been removed so you are not able to make call.

andrew: ive told u i dont have one. i dont get bank statements. im a paperless bank account

andrew: the bar was removed on saturday

andrew: Sheena, the notes on Saturday state that i called up and told you i had lost my bank card and would make a payment by transfer. I did this. my bar was lifted on saturday.

Sheena: The bars were removed on 2nd June, but since the payment did not show up on the account so it was automatically placed on the account.

andrew: it wasnt automatically placed back on the account. it was put back on today.

andrew: thats 4 days.

andrew: as i have now explained to you the money has been paid and will be in your account on friday. i cant prove this by bank statement as i dont receive them.

andrew: you will have to trust your customer in utmost good faith.

andrew: and please unblock my phone,

Sheena: We do have trust in our customers but there are certain rules that we need to follow strictly.

Sheena: To save my job.

Sheena: I hope that you can understand my bindings Andrew.

andrew: sheena, you will be doing what has been done for me 3 times in the last 3 weeks.

andrew: i dont understand how you can be any different.

andrew: it is causing me a great inconvenience

andrew: No Sheena, i dont, because the last advisor didnt have a problem. neither did the one before, or the one before them.

Sheena: I am sorry but there is a huge outstanding amount on your account.

andrew: there isnt

andrew: its been paid.

andrew: i have told you about 7 times now i think

Sheena: But it does not show up.

andrew: because it takes 3 working days to clear, thats 5 times ive told you that.

Sheena: I can understand what you are saying but you are not able to understand what I mean Andrew.

andrew: I am able to understand.

andrew: You can unblock my phone, but wont, because you say you will get in trouble.

andrew: I have paid my bill and 02 will have it Friday.

andrew: there is nothing more i can do. in the mean time i will be about 4 or 5 days without service and will then complain further than i have missed important calls and been stopped from making important calls.

Sheena: Once your bill shows up the bars will be removed.

andrew: and as a result this will go on and on and i will seek more and more.

andrew: you still havent explained to me why this wasnt the case the last 3 timeds i called.

Sheena: If you have made the payment then it will not happen again.

andrew: you have already told me it was removed on saturday.

andrew: what was the last note before saturday ?

Sheena: Yes, it was removed but since the payment did not cleared so it was placed again.

andrew: what was the last note before saturday ?

Sheena: It was regarding to billing concern.

andrew: what do the notes say ?

Sheena: The total charge is for £100.50

andrew: thats all the note says

andrew: ?

Sheena: Yes.

andrew: what about the one before that

Sheena: We’ve stopped you being able to use data, make calls, text, call and receive calls on your mobile until you pay £23.40 towards your next bill.

andrew: well ive paid £100.50

Sheena: But it does not show on the account.

andrew: it takes 3 days to clear.

andrew: i paid saturday.]

Sheena: Yes, I can understand this.

andrew: yet still cant help?

Sheena: Once it shows on the account, the blocks will be removed.

andrew: so please tell me why it was lifted on saturday

andrew: and what the difference is to stop you doing it today

Sheena: Because we take our customers word.

andrew: but you wont today?

Sheena: But since the payment was not cleared so the block was placed again.

andrew: i didnt tell the last person i spoke to that you would get the money. THEY told me it would take around 3-4 days to transfer.

andrew: they were well aware you wouldnt get the money until Thurs/Fri

andrew: your advisor told me that

andrew: and lifted the bar knowing that

Sheena: Yes, but the payment is not received by us.

andrew: 5 minutes

andrew: be right back

andrew: right

andrew: in the last 5 minutes sheena i have phoned o2

andrew: i have been on live chat to you now for 90 minutes

andrew: the lady i have just spoke to had removed my bar

andrew: i am absolutely disgusted

Sheena: Great.

andrew: Fantastic.

So it begins

I despise poor customer service, and baked beans, but that’s another story. And my favourite pork steak tea courtesy of Annie going to waste because I’m talking to ‘Sheena’ on O2 live chat for 90 minutes doesn’t digest very well on a Wednesday evening.

You see I’m like a magnet to shit customer service. And if you know me, you’ll know how much it gets on my caucasian tits. From simple fast-food employees not understanding the term ‘plain double-cheeseburger’ three times on the bounce, banks charging me £100 for a bag of Tangfastic Haribo and a bottle of water, credit card companies adding late payment fees when I’ve paid weeks in advance,  and of course my favourite, (extreme sarcasm inserted here) the best telecommunications company of all time; O2. As Nelson would say: ‘HA-HA’ or as I prefer to say; ‘what a fucking joke’.

The truth is i’m a bit of a moaning bastard. And there’s plenty of other things I moan about as well. But shit customer service is top of my list.